Poetry of a mind

Cruel World

2010-07-06T11:13:00.001-07:00

Cruel world I told you

Where do we go now?

Homeless and rejected

Scared and dependent

There are no more secrets

I‟ve come this far

For her

Cruel you

To try and stop me

Do you care what I turn to be?

I‟ve been this silent

The race has began

It is taking me over

You hope a crash

I want you in my skin

I‟ve come this far

To die in the end of the line

When words are just words

It comes a time

There isn‟t much to say

It comes a day

There are no more smiles

When it comes at night I only cry

Lacking support

Feeling lonely

Smiling every once in awhile

I miss myself

The life I‟m trying to have

The dreams I‟ve dreamt

And the compassion

I never gained

I gave my love

It‟s a sin

How would I know

I would die right here inside my house

You killed me

Isn‟t that enough?

You are blind to my wound

I‟m sick of the fun

I told my soul

Flaming inside I regret the things

I never said to you

You are blind to my wound

©Stefânia Forner

2010-02-17T09:03:00.000-08:00

How much does your dreams cost?

Everything has a cost

What's yours?

How much does your soul costs?

Promises

2010-02-08T10:31:00.000-08:00

My promise

Is that all the words I keep saying to myself

are all broken feelings that once used to be real

I can hear the disappointment across the sky

And what I've promise every once in awhile

To leave it all behind

All these broken feelings

And the screams

I don't remember how it's going to be

Past crashing

My soul is rotting in pieces

Uncountable broken little pieces

Are you able to count

All the times I promised

I would leave and change

There is nothing left

I keep yelling at a blank wall

Who's there?

Desperation

2010-02-08T10:24:00.000-08:00

I don't think anyone can save me

I dialed a number or two

wondering if someone would pick up the phone

Talked with you so many hours I lost track

Transferred a lost mind to a twisted one

Kept wondering what did I do this time

Because at the end there is always someone to blame

And for some reason that someone is always me

I kept wondering as the hours passed by

What would happen if I would just leave it all behind

And bought a beer and sat at the stairs watching the stars

Would it all go away

Would it all be okay

Would it all be like it used to be

I left a number in the counter

And all my broke feelings atPublicar postagem the door

No one is actually listening

I'm screaming

In desperation

No one

Can save me

Breath away

2010-01-09T12:54:00.000-08:00

Wishing to be careless and selfish

Giving up has never been an option

Until now

All the craziness in the world

Has made my mind a safe place

Until now

All the yelling

All the fights

All the words I never heard - but waited

Made me now have a choice

To give up the strenghten I must have to go on

So have mercy on me

And pray that I might not survive one more day

It has come the time

I might just not say goodbye

It has come the time

I might just turn around

Can you hear me breathing?

©Stefânia Forner

Have you?

2009-12-20T08:38:00.001-08:00

Do you know when you love someone so much it hurts?

Have you ever dreamt with your eyes wide open?

Wished upon a star for a certain moment not to end?

Ever in your lifetime thought about dying right there and been completely happy?

Ever felt like the world was against you?

Ever loved someone so badly you would go to hell and back?

Have you done it?

Have you been afraid?

Have you cried after a fight?

Wondered why you said the things you did?

Have you wished to be somebody else?

Have you thought about dying for a cause and someone?

Have you fought against your own mind?

Would you ever consider cutting yourself?

Have you thought about telling the world what you really think?

Ever got a smile from a hug or a kiss?

Ever spent a night with your eyes staring at the wall while you were thinking about that special person?

Have you ever felt like your life was a cartoon?

Ever felt like there were no more reasons to get off of your bed?

Have you thought about all the things you might not see if you quit?

Have you…?

I have.

©Stefânia Forner

The same old story

2009-12-20T08:35:00.000-08:00

Take me in your arms

And tell me

I will be forever yours

Hug me

Tell me you love me

Kiss me

Make me dream of you

This morning

Make love to me

I want to believe you are the one

You left

Without a note I cried

For no reason at all

I‟ve guessed you were a player

Just like I

I lie to myself

Of every person that lays in my bed

And I want to believe

I‟m an angel

And I want to believe

I won‟t cry anymore

And I want to know

Why do I lie to myself every time

I want to believe…

Make me believe…

©Stefânia Forner

The created situation

2009-12-20T08:32:00.000-08:00

I hate the way you look at me

And the way you make me feel insecure

Every time you walk in here

I get cold and I fear my thoughts

I hate the way you make me feel safe

Every time you tell me you love me

I don‟t understand why

I have nothing

No money

No house

No family

Always been insane

Behind bars

Miles from the nearest city

I hate how you tell me it‟s okay

Every time I tell you

I won‟t be out anytime soon

I hate how you think I‟m smart

Every time you visit me

I hate how you respect me

Telling me I shouldn‟t be in here

NEVER TELL ME THESE THINGS AGAIN!

Please never come back

I belong in here

I won‟t be out for a while

I‟ve told you they can give me my meds

NEVER MAKE ME FEEL THIS WAY AGAIN!

I‟m sick of looking at your perfect world

Your happy smile

Listening to all the loving words

NEVER COME BACK HERE AGAIN!

Where‟s the nurse?

Don‟t tell me how you love me

I don‟t believe

Just don‟t want to see ever again your face

2009-12-07T09:43:00.000-08:00

Quando as linhas se tornam tortas, como arrumá-las? Não há caderno de caligrafia para a minha vida.

Palavras são fugas terrenas para sentimentos oblíquos ao pensamentos alheios.

2009-12-07T09:42:00.001-08:00

I wish I could vaccum clean all the broken feeling that are surrounding me today

2009-12-07T09:33:00.000-08:00

I've been dead for so many years

That I don‟t know how

People still talk to me

A labyrinth

2009-12-07T09:31:00.000-08:00

Ten years ago

I wouldn‟t find any

Good hiding spot

Today there are way too many

Telling me different rules

Wondering what‟s happening

Right now I am fine

Tomorrow I will probably want to die

And I will feel pathetic

And I feel depressed

And I feel happy

They keep coming

And going away

I‟m getting tired

I want to sleep

They keep talking

Can you make it go away?

I'm on my knees

And I ask you

Can you please leave

And not come back

If the coffee is bad

Kill myself

If the toast burnt

Kill myself

I‟ve been running after you all day

Keep hiding and fooling me

And I can hear you

And if I die will you shut up?

Just be one

Please be true to me

I want to be one

I don‟t want to die

2009-12-01T14:54:00.001-08:00

Time is turning to dust and we are becoming shadows of ourselves.

The brainless individual

2009-12-01T14:49:00.000-08:00

When there isn’t much to say
You speak the most
When I wish things were over
You bring another problem

I can’t see any more suffering
I might just go to sleep for now
Don’t bring another nightmare
Not in this house

When there isn’t much to do
You are always searching for pills
When there is nothing more to think
You make us all sit down

They don’t deserve any more pain
Can’t you see how much we’ve been through?
I have some scars that show
Wish you were that simple

When we deal with you
Things are always so hard
You talk about the problems
Never look for the solution
Everything for you is a dead end

When there isn’t much to hope
We all hope you find your way in this world

©Stefânia Forner

Agony

2009-12-01T14:48:00.000-08:00

Throw away your old jacket
And all the trouble as well
You didn’t go there
Neither did I
We learned there is more than we can see

Look at me
It’s raining
And for every letter I found
There was a memory to forget
And for every tear I cried
There were a thousand reasons

Tell all the children
I might not go back for dinner
And I sit in my garage
With the lights off

And all I want to say
I might just write in a letter
These is the time
I tell the world
About all the lies

Because everything is changing
And it’s raining outside
Even the deepest secrets
Are no longer mine

It’s about time
I tell everyone
There is nothing to hide

Take me inside
To the darkest room
You are the reason

There is nothing to feel
There is nothing to say
There is nothing but pain

©Stefânia Forner

All night

2009-12-01T14:38:00.001-08:00

Does she tell you where she wants to go when she feels sad?
Because all the time seems so short when all the things take so long
All my dreams seems to be fading away
When I wake up with my hair up and you are not by my side

Did she tell you where she went when you told her to leave?
I feel like I’m wasting all my life
All the promises seems like they were lies
When I walk under pouring rain I’m just somebody else
I feel like all the lies are the truth when you look at me
Because there is nowhere else I feel so safe if it’s not in your arms

Does she know how she makes you feel
Every time she walks through the door and leaves the car’s key in the counter
Does she know that?

Give me a bottle of champagne and I might talk all night
About a girl who came into my life when the world felt like there were no more solution
She makes me feel so alive I sit in a chair and I watch you buy me a drink
I would give you all the flowers in the world
But I forgot
You left through the same door you arrived

I never knew if you were ever coming back
Just give me a chance
And I will talk about her the whole night
The whole night…

©Stefânia Forner

Buying a soul

2009-12-01T14:33:00.000-08:00

They bought me a doll without a head
I sit in a chair without legs
I find hate without thinking
I’ve considered all the possibilities
I’m flattered
Something is missing
Mix me
Make some juice

You got me a present
I’ve considered how you changed
In this life
You are nothing anymore
In this world
Nothing I have

I would turn and go back in time
If I knew I would not be like this
Thank you
You have somehow changed my soul into rotten pieces
I’m grateful

Something is missing
Mix me
With hate and pancake

Waking with black spots in a dark room
I’m not as I was
I’m nothing anymore

©Stefânia Forner

Destroyed fun

2009-12-01T14:29:00.001-08:00

Drink the pain away
Swallow it down
Make yourself smile
It’s the last time
I wish I wouldn’t have made this
Not to you

What’s done is done
Wish to go back in time
Cut your arm
Drop the blood
In a jar
I want to taste you
Touch your veins
I love you
I want to drink you away
Eat a finger
Maybe two
Kiss me
Love me
I’m cruel

I gaze at the blank kitchen table
A knife in between my fingers
Nothing to cut
I need skin
Where are you?
I need a kiss
Where have you gone?
I need hate
Nowhere near you are to be found

I’m chewing myself
I want your blood in my veins
I desire your tongue in my mouth
I fear running away from you

Help me understand
I destroyed you when it felt right
Now I’m useless
You were pleasurable to run after
Dropping blood in my carpet
Why did I end the fun?

©Stefânia Forner